


sed semper amorem eligere

by writerofbaddecisions



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Explosions, F/F, F/M, Fluff, For Days, Hostage Situations, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, School Shootings, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, as a treat, no beta we die like men, oh fuck, slow-burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25502134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerofbaddecisions/pseuds/writerofbaddecisions
Summary: Mom, I’m SorryMom, I’m SorryM̴̡͈̲̤͇͇̜͎̭̈́ò̷̝͈̜̙̻̆͋̎͊͊͆̑͘̕̚͘̚ͅm̶̢̨͉̰̳͕̞͍̲͈͉̜͐͑̉̏̂͛̐̓̓͊̉̚͠,̷̨̡̪͖̜͈̗̬̬͚͚̽ͅ ̵̩̜̖̮͙̗̼̞̜͓̻̖̬̓̄̓̅͘ͅI̵̢̛̪̜͛̌̉͌͑̍͒̌͐̈́̚̚’̸̹̫̙̞͋m̶̠͕̻̬̩͓̤͓̑̃̑̀̒̃̾ ̷̨̝̟̪̼̰͉̘̤͚̳̳̳͈̃͊S̵̢͕̰̼̓̾͆̓̏̆̔̽́o̵̢̡̦̳͈̥̣̗̘̬̯̦͕̾͑̈̄̊͛͜͝ͅŗ̵̘͚͉̮̱͕̜̞̦̱͕͓̊̽̀̓̂͋̓̈́̅͘̕r̴̠̻͎͇͔͔̳͔͖̱̈́ỷ̵̧̡͕̥̩̥̱̅̈́̾̊̄̃͗͛̽͘͝ͅ
Relationships: (mentioned) - Relationship, Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Everyone & Everyone, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han, May Grant/Original Female Character
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	sed semper amorem eligere

_ May’s vision is suddenly coming back to her , as the fire is raging around her. The gym is scalding , the sound of screams and fires are blending together , and the bodies are scattered everywhere from the blast. She can’t see Ava anymore , perhaps the explosion sent her further then she thought , her vision can barely allow her to see anything really , but she can see a body on the ground , with a badge she recongizes.  _ **_Her Moms._ ** _ Her legs are trying to kill her , dragging her down to the floor , but she manages to collapse next to the body.  _ **_It’s her mom’s_ ** _. A corner of her mind is telling her that this is fake , her mother was outside during the explosion in reality , but at the moment , she can’t bring herself to believe them. Her mom is bloody and beaten , but she doesn’t care as she scoops up her mom into her lap, she desperately attempts to shake her awake , anything she managed to learn in nurse thrown out the window. The adrenaline is too high , and she doesn’t feel the tears streaming down her face. The tears get into her wounds , and it stings , but at the moment , her mom’s body is all she can think about. She rests her head in her mom's chest , trying to aplogize .  _

_ Mom, I’m Sorry _

**_Mom, I’m Sorry_ **

  
  


_**M̴̡͈̲̤͇͇̜͎̭̈́ò̷̝͈̜̙̻̆͋̎͊͊͆̑͘̕̚͘̚ͅm̶̢̨͉̰̳͕̞͍̲͈͉̜͐͑̉̏̂͛̐̓̓͊̉̚͠,̷̨̡̪͖̜͈̗̬̬͚͚̽ͅ ̵̩̜̖̮͙̗̼̞̜͓̻̖̬̓̄̓̅͘ͅI̵̢̛̪̜͛̌̉͌͑̍͒̌͐̈́̚̚’̸̹̫̙̞͋m̶̠͕̻̬̩͓̤͓̑̃̑̀̒̃̾ ̷̨̝̟̪̼̰͉̘̤͚̳̳̳͈̃͊S̵̢͕̰̼̓̾͆̓̏̆̔̽́o̵̢̡̦̳͈̥̣̗̘̬̯̦͕̾͑̈̄̊͛͜͝ͅŗ̵̘͚͉̮̱͕̜̞̦̱͕͓̊̽̀̓̂͋̓̈́̅͘̕r̴̠̻͎͇͔͔̳͔͖̱̈́ỷ̵̧̡͕̥̩̥̱̅̈́̾̊̄̃͗͛̽͘͝ͅ** _

  
  


-

Ava is a  _ very  _ light sleeper , growing up in a rocky house-hold meant always being ready for anything. It’s no wonder she wakes up when her girlfriend is having a nightmare.

She sits up in the bed, careful to move as to not creak the bed and wake up May’s family ,who are sleeping in rooms nearby. Black dots are still dancing around her head, trying to get her to go back to sleep and talk with May in the morning. But in this point of view , she can see May’s terrified face , whimpers that are muffled by her hand, and flinches at invisible touches. May’s pillow is slowly becoming wet as tears drip onto it ,and the spot is becoming bigger and bigger. And she feels evil to ignore her girl-friend’s suffering. 

Her whimpers start to get louder and Ava can finally hear what she’s saying : 

_ “Mom , I’m sorry.”  _ Over and over and over.

And it hits her as hard as it can in a sleep-deprived state,  _ that was her final message during the explosion. _

-

_ The demons refuse to let her go of this vision , and she’s still at the gym and not in her bed at home. Help isn’t coming , the firefighters at the scene had gone straight into the trap explosion , and the police couldn’t go in because they didn’t have any gear. She takes one of her hands out from under her mom and checks for her neck pulse ,  _ **_nothing._ ** _ She grips her mom’s wrist , _ **_nothing._ ** _ No pulse , no sign she’s alive. noNONONONONONO _ **_NONONONONÒ̵̩̥̕N̵̦͂͆͐͜O̷̧͐̉̋N̶̗͇̥̋Ȏ̸͔̙͓̃͊._ **

  
  


-

After watching her girlfriend panic in her sleep for a couple of minutes , Ava decides to calm her girlfriend down from whichever demon is taking hold her now. 

Carefully, she lays back down in bed, the bed creaking with a soft  _ groan,  _ and gently secures herself against May’s back. Ava grabs May’s clammy hands and holds them across her chest , securing May against her chest. Ava isn’t wearing her prosthetic leg , so she resolves to only hold down May’s hands. If May turned around , she could still be able to keep May in her embrace. She can’t tell what May’s dream is looking like, but she can tell its calming down as May’s tears stop falling, and her ragged breathes turn into calm breaths , so she falls asleep with a smile on her face.

-

_ All of sudden , May can hear someone else’s footsteps , Ava’s. Ava , who had surprisingly not been thrown far from the explosion , the risers they had hidden behind had saved both their lives Ava’s right leg is bleeding heavily from cuts , and her face is riddled with glass  _ _ because of her  _ _ , but nevertheless she crouches down with a wince , and gently removes her mother’s body from May’s now-bloody hands. She kneels behind May and grabs her extremely shaky (the little medical part of her brain supplies her that she’s going through shock), clammy hands and holds them tight , warming them with a heat that’s not the one burning their classmates. There are footsteps coming into the gym , help is coming.  _

-

May suddenly wakes up with a jolt , the lasting dregs of her nightmare still fresh in her mind, she can tell that someone’s behind her , and she see her girlfriend’s hair flattened on her neck. Her hand is across her chest , an obvious attempt by Ava to help with May’s nightmares , it works but it’s a bit uncomfortable. May attempts to turn around, her legs  that she cant just barely feel even though it’s been 4 months  failing her , and she gently removes her hands from the sandwich Ava created. , she places them around her girlfriend’s waist , creating a weird slow-dance position. but she still tries. It ends up working , and she’s face to face with her girlfriend’s sleeping face. It’s calm and peaceful , and it makes May smile a small grin. Ava’s embrace didn’t falter when May turned , so she’s still warm in her (large) arms. May gently puts her head into the crook of Ava’s neck ,snuggling against her hair , tangling their limbs. 

May falls asleep a few minutes later , but not before Ava wakes up from the sudden change, and presses a kiss to the crown of her head. 

-

Athena stirs in the morning to an empty bed and a post-it note stuck to the lamp on her nightstand. She adjusts her position, before snatching the post-it note off the lamp. She kicks off the covers and squints away her morning tiredness to read the note. It reads 

“I know you don’t have work today, so I wanted you to sleep in. I’m dropping Harry off at school, and I’ll see you tonight. P.S: May and Ava are still sleeping, they had a rough night with nightmares. 

-Bobby”

Athena places the note on the stand again , grabbing her phone reading the time “10 : 00 Am”. 

_ Bobby, what the hell , i don’t need that much sleep.  _

She gets ready for a hopefully lazy day , scrolling through the notifications from the group chat Buck had insisted they get after the explosion. If she scrolls far enough back , she can still read the messages that instilled such a sense of fear in her when she first saw them. But their all okay now, they’re alive, so the group chat’s now entirely made of happy moments ,photos or Maddie and Chimney’s new baby , and exciting milestones in everyone’s therapy sessions , whether it be memory , physical , or actual therapy. 

Athena passes May’s room , and peaks into the room. May and Ava are still facing each other , their arms wrapped around each other , tangling their limbs. May has a leg over Ava’s only leg , and her neck is buried in the crook of the other girl’s neck. Athena pulls her phone out of her pocket , snapping a quick and silent photo of the peaceful scene. She sends it to the groupchat , the chat in question immediately filling messages of  _ “Awwww”  _ and “ _ they deserve to have a peaceful moment”. _

When they wake-up , no one is willing to tell them how the photo of them cuddling together has become Athena’s phone wallpaper.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to yell at me on tumblr @bad-decisions-are-my-forte 
> 
> if people want to see the back story , or see more of this , I'll do it 
> 
> please kudos , and leave a comment <3


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